Clobbered by a clapper

 

'Arrant nonsense!'

'No it isn't, Pooh.'

'Never heard such foolery.'

'It's perfectly -- '

'"Ask not for whom the bell tolls -- it tolls for thee." Utter piffle.'

'It's actually "Send not to know for whom --"'

'I mean, if you don't ask, how will you know?'

'What it means, Pooh, is -- '

'Recipe for chaos, Piglet. I mean, there you are, mooching about, suddenly you see this cove swinging his heart out like that Quasimodusoprahwinfrey. Stroll on, you think, is that my bell? So you gather all your nearest and dearest around for the Big Tarrarabit, get yourself neatly pegged out -- '

'Pooh, if I could just -- '

'Then some spectraliferous voice says, Sorry mush, you weren't due till a week on Tuesday.'

'It doesn't mean a particular person's bell -- '

'Just think of all you could have done with that extra time. Split the antirrhinum. Circumnavigated the glebe.'

'Pooh -- '

'Created a sculpture to surpass Mike 'n' Angela's "David".'

'I really think you're -- '

''Stead of which you've got yourself off'd before your off was in the offing.'

'Pooh, what the poet is trying -- '

'Oh, poet is it? I should have known.'

'What he's trying -- '

'Can't they be stopped? You hear them declaiming in the street. Young children about, nervous clergymen.'

'He was a clergyman -- the one who wrote it.'

'Oh, right, not content with the poetry then. Sacerdotal moonlighting. So who was he?'

'John somebody.'

'Somebody? Couldn't run to a proper surname? Not surprised. Probably used up all his words giving some poor woman bardic earache -- "Shall I discount thee in a summer sale" and all that carry-on.'

'Pooh! It's not about pinning someone's name to their own personal bell. It means that we should all be mindful of our mortality. You hear the bell, you know it will toll for you someday.'

'But what harm would it do to be on the safe side? You might have a holiday lined up in Swanage. Bag packed, living-statue-repellent at the ready, then -- boom! -- clobbered by a clapper.'

'Pooh, the question will answer itself.'

'But you haven't had a chance to put it! I knew it was a mistake getting you "Omniscience for Dummies" last Christmas. It's gone to your -- '

'The line means simply this, Pooh. We all know what awaits. We all know that, if I may phrase it thusly, we shall "peal" off one by one.'

'With an "a".'

'The very same, Pooh.'

'How long have you had that one stored up?'

'About seven weeks.'