Dynamic prattling...

 

'Well, Pooh...that spot of rain earlier but not a bad day.'

'I concur.'

'Concur? Oh...right...fair enough.'

'Fifty pence.'

'Sorry?'

'Two words, twenty-five pence each. Whenever you're ready.'

'What? You mean you want me to pay --?'

'Plus two pounds, twenty-five pence.  For what I just said.'

'Two --?'

'Five pounds. For what I just just said.'

'Pooh, what --?'

'Ten pounds. Fifteen pounds. Twenty pounds.'

'What are you on about?'

'The new normal, Piglet. Dynamic prattling. D'you know how much air costs these days?'

'It doesn't cost --'

'Well, well...a pony. That's twenty-five pounds. I'd advise settlement at your earliest convenience in re: yours of the fifth inst.'

'Pooh --'

'Otherwise you might find you have to take out a mortgage to facilitate a second mortgage to ensure the swift completion of item, one debt, item, the full, frank and feckless honouring thereof.'

'This is utter nonsense.'

'Surcharge for emotive lingo. You're now up to three ponies with a ton in sight. Luckily for you, this happens to be my Dandy Discount Day, so I'll chuck in a Clydesdale's fetlock for nothing.'

'Oh, this is all about that reunion.'

'It's about nothing of the sort. Though I did send them one of my hums a while back.'

'Did you now?'

'Dear oh dear, Piglet...three tons and the first glimpse of a monkey's fundament. Ah...the scent of five hundred crispy tofus. Do you have a financial advisor? No? Some Zurich gnome resting between bonanzas?'

'Now look, Pooh --'

'Very pleased with that hum, I was. "Don't Glance Back In Garstang." I thought they'd embrace it.'

'So...they didn't.'

'Congratulations, Piglet...you're up to a monkey and a mandrill and a moor's worth of Shetlands. No, sadly, they didn't. Liam wrote back and said it was a f&&^*))^%$% load of b*^%))?@@.'

'I see.'

'Mind you, Noel wrote that it had a pleasing mellifluousnessness.'

'That doesn't sound like --'

'It wasn't. "Only kidding," he added, "it's a dirty great pile of *&%%%$££**?/".'

'Right.'

'Well, Piglet, you're on a Gibraltar of monkeys. But look, as it's you, I'll settle for half a Whipsnade. And not to worry...my bailiffs are gloved and slippered. You won't know they're there.'

'You disappoint me.'

'That's what I intend to tell that pair when the tour's finished.'

'And presumably lob in a *&&%^^$$""££ for good measure.'

'What, and spend a pony? Do you think I'm a fiscal wonderwall?'

'Definitely.'

'Hmm...maybe.'