Trend-facing slam-dunk

'Piglet?'

'Hmm?'

'I see Tigger's busy.'

'Oh, dear. What now?'

'Well, for a start, he's organising a quiz night for the next May Rain Holiday.'

'I wondered when that would happen. I'd say he's been itching to play quizmaster.'

'Oh, no, he's getting someone in from, you know, Beyond.'

'Really? One of his friends on that Off-Yer-Facebook?'

'Possibly. Or a Twitteree. Or a Linkedinbred.'

'How many people do those gradations cover?'

'Oh, everyone, Tigger says. Long dead, yet-to-be born, all sorts in between.'

'Goodness.'

'He says the Borgias are following him.'

'Well, they're sort of known for that.'

'And Mid-Sized Tim.'

'Not the Tiny one, then?'

'He doesn't do social media, Tigger says. Tried it once. Sat in his corner and cried 'God Tweet Us, Every One.'

'And?'

'Nothing. Well, his dad came in with a heart-warming book on a plate for their Christmas dinner.'

'That was generous.'

'Ten pages each and they made soup out of the spine.'

'Gosh. They must have used one of the recipes from those programmes Eeyore watches.'

'Must have done. One of those artisanal things, Tigger says.'

'It doesn't do to say that word slowly.'

'No. Brings out the truth of the matter, though.'

'Certainly does. But this quiz-master he's got in. Or mistress. Or both / neither / if other please complete box.'

'Oh, an old hand at it. Been dishing out the questions for years.'

'Who is it?'

'Bambi Gascoigne.'

'Well as long as there isn't a sports round…'

'Have no fear, Piglet. Tigger's already said there's just one answer to all the sports questions.'

'Ah…oh, well, they deserve it.'

'Don't they, though? Tigger says that they're becoming Secretary-General of the UN when that Mr Ban-Ki Moon steps down.'

'My, my…what, all eleven of them?'

'Under one name. Red Leicester, apparently. You know, extra appeal to the Communist-Lonesome Cowboy vote.'

'Yes, well, Secretary General and all that. You need to sound nifty.'

'Indeed you do. Dag Hammarskjold, eh, Piglet? Who wouldn't get their deli queue ticket pronto with a name like that?'

'Ah, but you can't beat U Thant. Marvellous. Just the one letter. That's what Tigger would call a trend-facing slam-dunk.'

'Does Tigger understand the things he says?'

'Nary a clue.'