Sunday night, BBC Wan.

'Well Eeyore says it's a must for Sunday night viewing.'

'Is that right, Pooh?'

'Shows the themes of evil, conflict and pocket-friendly confectionery in a whole new light.'

'What's it about again?'

'Ah, well, you see, there's this girl called Lara who has to put up with hour-long balalaika themes being composed for her by this chap called Doctor Chicago, who's actually Omar Sans Serif in disguise.  He keeps her hostage in…oh, you know, one of those Russian country houses…I honestly can't remember--'

'Dachshund.'

'That's it, Piglet, exactly.  He keeps her trapped in his dachshund and subjects her to his balalaika--'

'--Pooh, you might just want to rephrase--'

'--when he's not on the phone to John Lenin, who fronts a top-of-their-game skiffle-and-grunge quartet, trying to fix a comeback gig with him on Chicago's Southside…or Natwestside, where the meanest low-to-medium-flexisave-account-advisors hang out.'

'So what does Lara do when he's phoning--?'

'Well, she only goes and betakes herself--'

'Get away!'

'To her room, Piglet, there to develop a recipe for handi-pak sweets in honour of her grandfather, who was an Original Werther but a touch cheerier than Goethe's was.'

'I see…no I don't.'

'The main thing you need to know is that, if she can somehow get the recipe out of the dachshund, someone will rescue her and she can take her rightful place alongside the great confectioners.'

'Like whoever came up with Fry's Turkey Defrost.'

'Precisely.  She's got a dedication ceremony for her grandad planned and everything.'

'I might just try it, Pooh.'

'Sunday, 8pm, BBC Wan.'

'One?'

'Always Wan.  "His Mint Imperials."  Convulsive viewing, says Eeyore.'