Mairzy Doat's A Female Deer....

 

'Lalalalala....Sososososo....mememememeeeee.'

'Pooh, what are you doing?'

'Keeping the old vocal nodules at bay, Piglet. Dohdohdohdohdoh...

Feeegaro...Feeegaro...Figarofigarofigarofeeeegaaaahhroooowww...

Figaro here, Figaro there, Figaro every fu--'

'What for?'

'My chance to shine, Piglet. My chance to showcase all my hums on that TV show.'

'TV show?'

'"Let's Have A Butcher's At Yer Voice, Then".'

'It's "I Can See Your Voice".'

'That's what I said.'

'So which, er, hum to you propose--?'

'A crowd-pleaser, Piglet. A rousing singalong.'

'Oh, yes?'

'"Mairzy Doat's A Female Deer".'

'I think it's "Doh A Deer".'

'I know what it is, Piglet. Always brings a tear to the old eye when Mary Poppins sings it to that Trappist family high in the Austrian Alfs.'

'It's actually The Sound Of--'

'Success, Piglet. And it'll be all mine. Marvellous song. Halfway through the first verse there's that commotion at the back of the circle. Then this Mother Superior sings,

"Mariaaah,

I've just decked a nun

called Mariaaah -

And suddenly that dame

Is walking somewhat lame - you seeeee".'

'That's not how I remember the film you don't remember at all.'

''Course, they have to get a move on with the old "Mairzy Doats".  Next thing you know, all those German planes are heading their way.'

'The Luftwaffe.'

'The Stroopwaffel. Exactly. That's when they all have to clear out...you know, climb every mountain, drive Fords across every stream.'

'I think it's "ford every stream", Pooh. As in get across --'

'Though I can't see how they can climb and drive at the same time. Then there's that bit,

"Climb every mountain,

Search high and low."

I mean, you're not going to clock a mountain if you search low, are you? There you are, snout to the ground...your average What'sthematterhorn isn't going to yell "Oi! I'm up here".'

'Pooh, I think--'

'I suppose that's what they call the mystique of cinema.'

'I suppose.'

'Anyway, I'll have a gala time on that show. Very genial host, you know. Paddy McGinty.'

'It's Paddy McGuinn--'

'An Irishman of note, he is. Fell in for a fortune and - bam! - suddenly and unexpectedly advanced himself in goat-fancying circles.'

'Paddy McGuinness, Pooh. And he's from near Bolton.'

'I have no idea to whom who toom you refer, Piglet.'

'I...oh, good luck, Pooh.'

'Thank you, Piglet. And you will come along? The old moral support? Front row?'

'I'll be somewhere.'

'Spendid! Now...lalalalalaaa...mememememeeeeee....Jules-Rimet-fat-solar-flare-tee-dious!'

'Indeed.'