Brighten up your Breton

'Pooh?'
'Hmm?'
'You know that fashion page?'
'The one I saw?'
'Yes.'
'In that magazine?'
'Yes.'
'At Owl's house?'
'Yes.'
'Discussion of which, I recall, ended with me being branded a gender-assumptionist touch-typer?'
'Um…yes…sorry.'
'Hmm…what about it?'
'Well, I was at Owl's this morning and I had a look.'
'Oh, yes?'
'Gosh, Pooh, there's a whole world we don't know about.'
'Oh, well, fingers crossed we'll survive.'
'No, but that page, it tells you about how you should and shouldn't fashion yourself.'
'Does it? I only really noticed the headline.'
'Vertical stripes on a pocket.'
'Doesn't fit as well as "Three Coins in a Fountain" but I suppose you could try it in an offhand hum.'
'No, that's what you have to have.'
'Me?'
'Well, no, the inhabitants of Brittany. Vertical stripes on a pocket, this page says, is the way to bring your Breton up to date in 2016.'
'Bunch of laggards, are they, Bretons?'
'They must be. Still playing cassettes, I'd reckon, lamenting the demise of Tiswas.'
'Well, that rambler Mr Beckett knows a fair bit about France--'
'Has his doigt sur la throbbage Francais, obvs.'
'Sorry, Piglet?'
'I think that's how the page would say it.'
'Oh…right…well, I was going to say that next time I see Mr Beckett I'll slip him some stripes. "You nip over the Channel, sir," I'll tell him. "Set up a stall at St Malo and get these dished out. Get the geezeurs et geezeuses of this jolly old paysage up to speed on the poche front.'
'Not that the page was happy about everything.'
'Oh, no…really? Je suis tres decimal.'
'Stan Smiths is out.'
'Stan Smith?'
'Smiths. Owl says he's probably added an 's' so he can be sort of incognomen.'
'Oh, dear. Wrong 'un, is he?'
'Owl wouldn't be surprised if he was W. H.'s feckless brother. You know, never took to the stationery trade. They sell a bunch of Treasury tags, he drinks it all away.'
'But incognomenly.'
'Well he must have found a ruse. But he's out because natural canvas Converse are looking good again, thanks to the Agi & Sam LCM catwalk.'
'Goodness. And how does a natural canvas Converse cat walk?'
'Sideways, maybe. We could find out if Agi and Sam LCM know.'
'I wouldn't ask too much of a pair of chemical symbols.'
'True. Or maybe it walks backwards.'
'Perhaps we could test it.'
'Test?'
'See if Tigger has any natural canvas Conversity about him. Lure him into a gulley and then get him to back out.'
'I'm not sure if Tigger would--'
'But bags I the megaphone: "Attention, This Feline Is Reversing".'
'That might make him dive further in…even get stuck.'
'Tish, Piglet, we could get some of his 1,874 friends on his gizmo to lend a hand.'
'Scarface.'
'That's the one.'
'They'll want tea. And they might be partial to hunny.'
'Oh, Lord.'