'Pooh?'
'Hmm?'
'When we saw Kanga and Roo by the stream…why did you hide behind that bush?'
'I was worried.'
'About what?'
'Misogyny.'
'What's that?'
'I can't say.'
'You don't know?'
'I can't say. Tigger showed me a page on one of his gizmos. All about it.'
'But you can't say.'
'Tigger says that if you even say anything about it it makes you complicit.'
'Complicit. Is that like coming over all funny?'
'I can't say.'
'Are you doing it now?'
'I can't say. But just to give you a clue: no.'
'So it's a bad thing.'
'Yes.'
'Am I doing it now?'
'Piglet, honestly, it's best to get Tigger to show you that page.'
'But I'm worried now. I might be doing it and I don't know. And you can't say.'
'What I can say is that it's unlikely to happen between you and me.'
'So…back by the stream…it was to do with Roo or Kanga. Yes?'
'I can only say this, Piglet: Kanga.'
'Ah. So did you get a bit…complicit?'
'I can't--'
'Right, of course, you can't. But you ran and hid. She didn't see you. So what could you possibly have done?'
'Piglet, even saying this much compounds my complicitude.'
'I'm lost, Pooh. I mean, isn't it possible that this…thing…is something you might do by accident? So if you realise that, or it's pointed out, you can apologise?'
'No, once it's done, it's done, says Tigger. No discussion.'
'Surely not.'
'Surely not not. One mistake and you're cast into the outer Dartford. And even presuming to speak to someone of the opposite…opposite…lot…could be misconstrued.'
'Ah, so it's always to do with the…the opposite…'
'Lot, yes.'
'Now you've got me thinking about all the things I might have said to Kanga or Mrs Rabbit. Oh, what are the signs, Pooh?'
'You're not drawing me out any further, Piglet.'
'I just want to know, Pooh, in case I--'
'I know the old dodges.'
'What old--?'
'For all I know, I might not even be walking on this path with you at all. I might be in a secret and no doubt secure location in central London being filmed by undercover reporters dressed as fake milkshakes and waiting for me say something incrumblimating.'
'Pooh, it's just me. And you. Here. On this path.'
'Huh, or an illusion created by those special KGB effects.'
'Look, Pooh--'
'Not another word, Piglet. Best thing, says Tigger, is to have your lawyer on speed-dial.'
'But I don't have a lawyer, I don't have a dial and this is as fast as I go.'
'Ah, well…there it is.'
'Hmm?'
'When we saw Kanga and Roo by the stream…why did you hide behind that bush?'
'I was worried.'
'About what?'
'Misogyny.'
'What's that?'
'I can't say.'
'You don't know?'
'I can't say. Tigger showed me a page on one of his gizmos. All about it.'
'But you can't say.'
'Tigger says that if you even say anything about it it makes you complicit.'
'Complicit. Is that like coming over all funny?'
'I can't say.'
'Are you doing it now?'
'I can't say. But just to give you a clue: no.'
'So it's a bad thing.'
'Yes.'
'Am I doing it now?'
'Piglet, honestly, it's best to get Tigger to show you that page.'
'But I'm worried now. I might be doing it and I don't know. And you can't say.'
'What I can say is that it's unlikely to happen between you and me.'
'So…back by the stream…it was to do with Roo or Kanga. Yes?'
'I can only say this, Piglet: Kanga.'
'Ah. So did you get a bit…complicit?'
'I can't--'
'Right, of course, you can't. But you ran and hid. She didn't see you. So what could you possibly have done?'
'Piglet, even saying this much compounds my complicitude.'
'I'm lost, Pooh. I mean, isn't it possible that this…thing…is something you might do by accident? So if you realise that, or it's pointed out, you can apologise?'
'No, once it's done, it's done, says Tigger. No discussion.'
'Surely not.'
'Surely not not. One mistake and you're cast into the outer Dartford. And even presuming to speak to someone of the opposite…opposite…lot…could be misconstrued.'
'Ah, so it's always to do with the…the opposite…'
'Lot, yes.'
'Now you've got me thinking about all the things I might have said to Kanga or Mrs Rabbit. Oh, what are the signs, Pooh?'
'You're not drawing me out any further, Piglet.'
'I just want to know, Pooh, in case I--'
'I know the old dodges.'
'What old--?'
'For all I know, I might not even be walking on this path with you at all. I might be in a secret and no doubt secure location in central London being filmed by undercover reporters dressed as fake milkshakes and waiting for me say something incrumblimating.'
'Pooh, it's just me. And you. Here. On this path.'
'Huh, or an illusion created by those special KGB effects.'
'Look, Pooh--'
'Not another word, Piglet. Best thing, says Tigger, is to have your lawyer on speed-dial.'
'But I don't have a lawyer, I don't have a dial and this is as fast as I go.'
'Ah, well…there it is.'
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