'I'm having enough air' (a metal-fork)

'Dear dear dear dear dear.'
'Sorry, Pooh?'
'Dear, oh dear.'
'What's dear?'
'Dearie me.'
'What's the matter?'
'Who'd have thought it?'
'Well, not me. I haven't got a clue--'
'Breathing, eh? So dangerous.'
'Breathing?'
'This programme I watched on Eeyore's new tv last night.'
'About breathing.'
'Well…sort of.'
'So what happened?'
'Well, there was this man. And this woman. And this man found out that this woman was doing something behind his back.'
'Making faces?'
'No.'
'Impersonating Vlad the Impaler?'
'No.'
'Realigning ocean currents?'
'Breathing, Piglet. She was having enough air.'
'What?'
'She'd been behaving oddly. He confronted her. And she said, I'm having enough air.'
'Did she, now?'
'With my doctor, she said.'
'How is that a problem? She's going along the street, she thinks, coo, I'm a bit out of puff, ooh look, here's my doctor's, I'll just nip in, and he says what's up…well, not what's up doc, he's the doc, she isn't…and she says, lor lumme--'
'Piglet, who on earth says lor--?'
'All right, then, 'strewth, I'm not half out of breath, doctor, and he says, not to worry Mrs…Mrs…Person, just pop this mask on, deep breaths, think beautiful thoughts, there you go, how do you feel? And she says, tip-top, ta doc, and he says don't mention it, have a leaflet.'
'No, no, no, Piglet. When she said to the man, I'm having enough air, it didn't mean I'm having enough air, it meant…I'm--you know--having enough air.'
'Pooh, could you stop winking?'
'No, but do you see? It means what it doesn't mean it means.'
'Oh, really.'
'Yes. Owl calls it figurative language. When she said, I'm having enough air, she was using a metal-fork. See?'
'Not surprising. Those awful cookery programmes are all over the--'
'Like when some chap sings You Are My Sunshine, he's saying, how do you fancy being a metal-fork?'
'Ah. So his way of declaring love is a proposal to melt whoever-it-is down and turn her into--'
'Yes! Exactly!'
'So actual real breathing isn't a danger after all?'
'Well…thinking about it…yes and no.'
'And no?'
'See, you might think you're using a metal-fork, or that thing where you say something is like something else.'
'A smiley.'
'Precisely. My love is like a red, red nose and all that. So you might think you're using a metal-fork or a smiley but it might backfire. And then you're back to just meaning what you were not meaning to mean when you started meaning it.'
'But in that case, I'm having enough air would be alright, wouldn't it? The problem would be if the man said, what's up, you're looking a bit peaky, and she said, I'm not having enough air.'
'Well, Eeyore wondered if she wasn't having enough something.'
'Greens?'
'Probably.'