'Few-ew-ell'

'It's simply disgraceful!'

'Pooh, if I can just explain--'

'I mean, to encourage folk to sing that!'

'Listen, Pooh, if you'd--'

'Totally against the Christmas spirit!'

'Pooh, just let--'

'To deliberately, wantonly hunt down a family called Hall, who've never done you any harm, and subject them to fisticuffs…'

'Pooh, when they sing Deck the Halls, what it means--'

'Not even fisticuffs. You're supposed to redirect their lives to A & E with boughs of holly.'

'Listen, Pooh--'

'So that's physical violence and environmental degradation.'

'When they say Halls--'

'Not to mention depredation.'

'See, Pooh, to deck means--'

'And decimation.'

'Pooh, it's all about making--'

'And any other long word from a Moody Blues concept album circa 1969.'

'If you'll only--'

'And fa-la-la-la-la. What's that, then?'

'Well, that's the--'

'Probably Tagalog for "Give us your PIN number". So you won't be hearing that one from my mouth.'

'It's a lovely carol, Pooh, and it's all about--'

'Or Away In A Manger.'

'Good grief, what's wrong with--'

'What a trick to play, eh?'

'What are you talking--?'

'All those good folk, they've come all that way, shepherds, the wise men with their gold, frankincense and mulch, they could have all been at home with their feet up, listening to their Queen saying, guess what, I'm having my gaff re-fitted, sorry more and more of you are on the streets….'

'Pooh--'

'They turn up, there's a note on the stable door.'

'Note? What note?'

'Probably said "Away in a manger. Sorry for the inconvenience to your adoration."'

'Listen to me, Pooh--'

'See, no-one was looking, on go the castors, they're off.'

'I doubt that--'

'No wonder that that King Hereward got after them.'

'King who?'

'Him and his Early Years Streamline Policy.'

'I think you mean--'

'That's why they called him Hereward the Wake. All those mourning events they had to organise.'

'Pooh, please!'

'And what about the cattle, eh? Having to shove up and make room for a manger that shoves off?'

'Pooh!'

'They don't like disruption, kine don't.'

'Pooh, it's getting late--'

'Kine pine.'

'--and I'm cold. Have it your way. When Kanga has her get-together, you can just sing Jingle Bells.'

'Good.'

'All right?'

'Fine.'

'Good.'
'Though I very much doubt if they got right-to-roam permission for all the fields they dash through--'

'Pooh!'

'Disgusting…destroying someone's livelihood and laughing all the way about it--'

'Have a chestnut.'

'Has it been roasted on an open fire?'

'No.'

'Good. I don't want to celebrate the gratuitous use of few-ew-ell.'