Magicoal

'Apparently it was very moving.'

'Sorry, Piglet, what was?'

'Her message to their nation.'

'Whose?'

'Hers. The Lady. You know, their Figurehead. The Number One Embassy Circuiteer. First dibs on the Ferrero Rocher and all that.'

'Ah, Her Magicoal.'

'That's the one, Pooh. Their Mighty Quinn.'

'So what did she say?'

'Well, she emphasised her duty to lead by example. As you'd expect. Said that she and all the Quinntuplets were practising isolation and social distancing.'

'Which in their case is as opposed to…?'

'Quite. Still, it must be very difficult for The Quinn herself. Usually obliged to be here, there and everywhere.'

'Really?'

'Oh my goodness, yes. Courtier sends word that someone's building ships and boats, or diversifying into monuments, or indulging in a strenuous bout of note-jotting, and she has to, as it were, get there.'

'To do what?'

'Well, one of her lesser-known duties is as Pigeon-Magnet, By Appointment To Herself. Nothing annoys your shipwright or monumentalist more than a flock of pigeons disfiguring hulls and plinths and what-have-you. So it's a decree of divine right and long standing that, once she gets there, they're all, you know, gonna go to her. As someone once remarked.'

'I thought that was Mary Poppins' old lady's job?'

'It's a split-shift thing.'

'Well, I never knew that their Quinn had been so busy.'

'Nonstop, Pooh. The amount of footage showing her being driven through the gates at Sandringham dead-out on the back seat after a good hour talking a lairy pigeon down from a stone cockade…well, you wouldn't chuckle.'

'What ought I to do instead?'

'Acknowledge, Pooh, that these are unprecedented times. Like she did in her message. Said that everything had changed so everyone must act differently. Most concerned on that point.'

'A concern that will no doubt manifest itself as a Quinn-gift to finance unlimited protective wear, increase the pay of bin-men and supermarket staff and institute a national education course, "Look And Learn: What Is A Care Home?"'

'Now, Pooh, don't be silly.'

'Sorry, Piglet. Just a momentary cup of meat.'

'At twilight?'

'When else?'