Queens Park Etranger

'Owl says it's back.'

'Really?'

'Right up there with the Deffo book.'

'So what is it again?'

'Albert Camus' "Antilapesto--Nifty Dishes With A Tang of the Med for the Existentialist On The Go".'

'I thought the whole point of existentialists was that they didn't go anywhere.'

'Pooh, I think it's a marketing--'

'I thought they just stood in abandoned rooms intoning I fear nothing, I feel nothing, I regret nothing (apart from Rene), I hope for noth--'

'But this is a different--'

'While Edwardian novelists yelled "You couldn't dream up a plot to save your life" through the letterbox.'

'Well M. Camus obviously took a break from all that to putter about with the old oeufs flambees.'

'So…chef on the side, then.'

'More than that.  Started life as a professional footballer.'

'Is that right?'

'Oh, yes.  Goalie for Queens Park Etrangers.  Five seasons.'

'Impressive.'

'Well, four.  Spent half a season on loan to Les Vagabonds de Wolverhampton and the other half as reserve right-back at Le Petit Chateau Astonne.'

'Un homme avec lots of get up and aller.'

'Careful, Pooh.  We'll get a sniffy letter from that Mr Kington.'

'Sorry pardon.  So…bit of disappointment to his existentially inert family, eh?'

'Oh no, they were all footballers.'

'Were they now?'

'Hence the famous opening lines of his most famous book: "Mother lofted in a perfect cross today.  Or maybe yesterday.   I don't know".'

'What's that one called, then?'

'Not sure.  "La Chute", I think.'

'Well there's a lot of that parmi la fraternite ee-aye-addio.'

'Mr Kington, Pooh…'

'Sorry, forgot.  Je suis desultory.'

'Not to worry.  Over and oeuf.'