'Well, Piglet…'
'Well, Pooh…'
'Looks like proper
chaos in their country.'
'I'd say so,
Pooh. Tigger reckons they're now in
unchartered accountants.'
'Heavens! What
does that mean?'
'They'll just have
to get themselves chartered.'
'Ah, career
change. Well, they were obviously
rubbish at being MPs.'
'And Old Bill was
defeated three times.'
'Back to traffic
duties for him, then. So what will
happen next week?'
'Well, Laura
Carlsberg--'
'--Probably the
blondest political editor in the world--'
'--says they'll be
opting like it's gone out of business.'
'Just ahead of their
country, then. So how does that work?'
'Ah, now, the
biggest Bercow--'
'The what?'
'His real name's
John Speaker but he's the biggest Bercow in the House.'
'Stiff competition
for that.'
'Oh, he just blinds
them with precedent and neckwear.
Anyway, Ms Carlsberg says that he'll
arrange for a
pantechnicon to be reversed up to My Lady's Lower Chamber.'
'I don't think I
wish to--'
'I don't wish to
tell you. '
'And then?'
'Ah, then, the
biggest Bercow gets the list of the different optics ready and yells
"Clear the Lorry!" and the doors open and they all scurry out.'
'Who do?'
'The indicative
voles. And then he yells out an optic
and they all run and hide. Then someone
finds where the largest number are hiding.
Then they all come out again and he yells the next optic and they run
and hide again.'
'Till the optics are
empty.'
'Completely. And whatever the largest number of hiders…or
hideaways…I don't know the right--'
'Heidelbergs?''
'That's it…whatever
the largest number of heidelbergs is at the end, that's the optic they choose.'
'What a lot of
optics.'
'A vital part of
Westminster life, Ms Carlsberg says.'
'No wonder they
don't get anything done.'
'And apart from all
that, someone might move a motion at any minute.'
'On live
television? Disgraceful.'
