Saturday, 30 March 2019

'Clear the Lorry!'

'Well, Piglet…'
'Well, Pooh…'
'Looks like proper chaos in their country.'
'I'd say so, Pooh.  Tigger reckons they're now in unchartered accountants.'
'Heavens! What does that mean?'
'They'll just have to get themselves chartered.'
'Ah, career change.  Well, they were obviously rubbish at being MPs.'
'And Old Bill was defeated three times.'
'Back to traffic duties for him, then.  So what will happen next week?'
'Well, Laura Carlsberg--'
'--Probably the blondest political editor in the world--'
'--says they'll be opting like it's gone out of business.'
'Just ahead of their country, then.  So how does that work?'
'Ah, now, the biggest Bercow--'
'The what?'
'His real name's John Speaker but he's the biggest Bercow in the House.'
'Stiff competition for that.'
'Oh, he just blinds them with precedent and neckwear.  Anyway, Ms Carlsberg says that he'll
arrange for a pantechnicon to be reversed up to My Lady's Lower Chamber.'
'I don't think I wish to--'
'I don't wish to tell you. '
'And then?'
'Ah, then, the biggest Bercow gets the list of the different optics ready and yells "Clear the Lorry!" and the doors open and they all scurry out.'
'Who do?'
'The indicative voles.  And then he yells out an optic and they all run and hide.  Then someone finds where the largest number are hiding.  Then they all come out again and he yells the next optic and they run and hide again.'
'Till the optics are empty.'
'Completely.  And whatever the largest number of hiders…or hideaways…I don't know the right--'
'That's it…whatever the largest number of heidelbergs is at the end, that's the optic they choose.'
'What a lot of optics.'
'A vital part of Westminster life, Ms Carlsberg says.'
'No wonder they don't get anything done.'
'And apart from all that, someone might move a motion at any minute.'
'On live television?  Disgraceful.'