Wednesday 20 January 2016

The origins of Godot: Piaf, Re-Branding, Vladimir and Oestrogen.

Pooh?'
'Hmm?'
'I met that rambler Mr Beckett today.'
'Oh, yes? What was he doing?'
'Oh, you, know, just sitting under a tree by the lane,
practising his mirthless laugh.'
'Nice to have a hobby.'
'He wants to make it more plangent.'
'Does he now?'
'"Don't mind me," he said. "I'm just fettling my plangency".'
'What, in broad daylight?'
'Of course, I had to ask him…you know….'
'Ask him?'
'The Question.'
'What question-with-undue-emphasis-on-the-q?'
'Did he ever turn up?'
'Did he have a turn-up?'
'--Pooh--'
'I should think he did. Two. And still does. That's the zen of trousers.'
'No, no. Did-he-ever-turn-up? Godot?'
'Oh. Ah. And did he?'
'Well … poor Mr Beckett, he had to make the whole thing up from scratch.'
'There's a thing.'
'Apparently Godot arrived within an hour. He was a music promoter from Lille and someone told him about Vladimir and Estragon. Gave him the impression they were a Belgian close-harmony duo with a weakness for pastel jumpers. Well, of course, he turns up to hear them--'
'--well of course--'
'And they can't carry a tune in a bucket. Can't carry a bucket, either. Mislaid it in the Macon country. But they tried their best.'
'That's nice.'
'They'd re-visioned a song by Edith Piaf.'
'How do you re-vision what you can only hear?'
'Tigger says it's all the rage. A necessary step to multi-platforming.'
'Is that standing on more than one platform at once?'
'No, Pooh, you're thinking of multi-tusking.'
'Ah, the elephant-in-front-of-a-dozen-mirrors routine.'
'Exactly. So they sang him their homage to Piaf, "I've Had Nothing But Regrets, Me, And If You Have Any Spare I'll Take Them Off Your Hands, Say, Twenty Francs Cash".'
'How did that go over?'
'Mr Godot got in a right strop. "Have you not done tormenting me with your accursed rhyme?" he yells.'
'So no forthcoming appearance on "Britain's Got Dossers"?'
'Well, he had a ponder, Mr Godot.'
'In front of everyone? No bush to hand?'
'He said that, since Major Tom's gone, there's a gap in the androgyny market--'
'Dear Liza, Dear Liza--'
'He said he could re-brand them.'
'Ah, so the farmer they belonged to wouldn't know. But that's swizzing--'
'Yes, in broad daylight. "How about we call you Vladimir and Oestrogen?" he says. Asked where they were going, said he'd give them a lift so they could explore image-focused vectors.'
'Good grief! Well, I suppose they'd have sped past before anyone spotted them at it. And where were they going?'
'To the outer rim of desolation, Vladimir said. Mr Godot said he was going via Toulon, would that do, they said it'll have to and they hopped off.'
'Hopped? Funny sort of car.'
'Well … showbiz, Pooh, you know how it is.'
'Haven't a clue.'

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